First up this morning, we have this absolute gem:
"BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff" from The Register (tagline: "Biting the hand that feeds IT".
Why is it that I can only recall ever hearing these stories from the UK? What's wrong with them? Thankfully, he's on a careless driving charge.
Next up: "Trial aims to tame bad behaviour in classroom" from The Courier Mail. What's exceptional about this item is where it points out that not only are children being taught etiquette (ignore the one about milk after tea - it violates science and common sense), but that their parents are as well. I think I'll go with "By their fruits, shall we know them".
Next, "Former doctor accused of selling 'snake oil' cancer treatments", also from the Courier Mail. Now, (deep breath) there is no such thing as a "miracle cancer cure", okay? The closest we have is a completely successful surgical removal of a tumour that hasn't spread yet. If you go and buy a "miracle drug" that promises to cure cancer completely, without asking "So, why don't you have a Nobel Prize yet?" Then you may well deserve to find out that it's not detergent and toilet cleaner in it.
The ABC News Online gives us "China uses the pill to fight gerbil plague". I really don't think that this one needs any commentary from me. It stands by itself.
If you delight in freeze-frame photography, with pictures of bullets halfway through fruit, go to a gallery at the Daily Mail here. You used to need special equipment for this, now all you need is a digital SLR and a really good flash. My favourite would have to be the water-filled bauble.
The Australian allows a journalist to engage in heavy-handed righteous sarcasm in response to a comment made by a judge. Bad. Wrong. Just don't, okay? It makes you look petty, whiny and short-tempered. Basically, you have allowed yourself to sink far below your opponent's level. Please don't do it again.