I would like to submit, for your amusement, the following news headlines. I'm not even going to explain them, although I will give links for your ultimate satisfaction:
"Capsicum spray empties McDonalds."
"Unwanted granny thrown on garbage dump."
"Cow-eating pigs spark scare."
Now honestly, don't they brighten your day?
(Bonus points if you get the reference in the entry title!)